How to Support a Friend in Eating Disorder Recovery
This one is for the friends, the partners, the siblings, and the parents.
Supporting someone in eating disorder recovery can feel emotional, sometimes uncomfortable, and a little confusing - what is the right thing to do?! This short guide is meant to help you understand what to expect, how to be genuinely helpful, and how to take care of yourself along the way.
What to Expect
Recovery rarely looks neat or enthusiastic. Some things that are normal include:
They may not be excited about eating. Food can feel scary, stressful, or emotionally loaded, even when recovery is chosen. A disordered relationship with food takes time to heal. Don’t be alarmed if this doesn’t change overnight.
Mood changes are common. Anxiety, irritability, sadness, or withdrawal can increase temporarily as the eating disorder loosens its grip. It can help to understand eating disorder behaviors as deeply unhelpful coping skills. While harmful, eating disorders often feel like the most effective way the person knows how to manage pain or find control. As those behaviors decrease, discomfort is expected while new, more supportive coping tools are being learned.
Progress isn’t linear. A classic line, right? Good days and harder days will coexist, and for some people, this can even shift meal to meal. Setbacks or struggles don’t mean failure. Eating disorders are often rooted in perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking, so recovery intentionally practices the opposite.
They might seem conflicted. Wanting recovery and resisting it at the same time is very common… and very exhausting. Allow space for them to be in the “messy middle” without trying to resolve the contradiction for them.
You may not see “gratitude.” This doesn’t mean your support isn’t helping. Often, it is, just quietly, internally, and over time.
If you’re unsure whether something is concerning versus expected, it’s okay to gently encourage them to check in with their treatment team.
How to Be Most Helpful
The most effective support is attuned, personal, and responsive - not forceful.
Helpful approaches:
Ask what support looks like for them. This will vary person to person and can change throughout recovery. Some examples include distraction during meals, eating together, gentle check-ins, or simply coexisting with them.
Offer presence, not pressure. Again, sitting with them can be more helpful than trying to motivate or convince them to eat. Coexisting in harder moments can remind them they aren’t alone with the discomfort or their critical thoughts.
Use neutral, supportive language. Try phrases like, “I’m here with you,” or “That sounds really hard.” Avoid comments about weight changes, appearance, portions, or what/how much they’re eating.
Trust the process. Their care team is guiding nutrition and recovery. Your role is emotional support - not monitoring, judging, or fixing.
Set kind boundaries. You can care deeply while still recognizing that their recovery is not your responsibility.
Things that usually aren’t helpful:
Giving nutrition advice or meal plans
Commenting on body changes (yes… even “you look so healthy now” can be incredibly uncomfortable)
Threats, ultimatums, or guilt-based encouragement
Comparing their recovery to others
Taking Care of Yourself as a Supporter
You matter, too. Supporting someone in recovery can be emotionally taxing, especially when progress feels slow or unpredictable. Taking care of yourself can even be a way for you to lead by example, and show the person you care about that meeting one’s needs is important and deserved.
Notice your limits. It’s okay to say, “I care about you, and I also need a break right now.” Stepping back at times helps prevent becoming overly responsible and burnt out.
Keep your own support system. Talk with trusted friends, a therapist, or support groups. You may need a place to process your feelings openly and honestly. There are organizations like F.E.A.S.T. designed to support, the supporters.
Maintain your routines and sources of joy. You don’t need to put your life on hold to be supportive. Protecting your own well-being actually allows you to show up more sustainably.
Expect mixed emotions. It’s normal to feel compassion, frustration, fear, hope, and helplessness - sometimes all at once. These feelings don’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
Release responsibility. You can support recovery, but you cannot cause or cure an eating disorder. Let me repeat, you cannot cure an eating disorder. You cannot recover for someone. Their healing does not depend on you getting everything right.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or resentful - that’s a sign you’re a human who needs support, not a sign of failure or lack of care.
A Final Note
Being a steady, compassionate presence - without judgment or pressure - is one of the most powerful things you can offer. You don’t need to say the perfect thing. Showing up with care, patience, and respect goes a long way.
Looking for More?
If someone you care about is navigating eating disorder recovery, having the right professional support matters - for them and for the people walking alongside them.
I’m Kristin Urena, a weight-inclusive, eating disorder informed dietitian who works with individuals in recovery using a compassionate, non-diet approach. If you’re wondering whether nutrition support could be helpful, or you’d like to better understand what recovery can look like, you’re welcome to explore more services or get in touch.
Learn more about working together or explore recovery-informed resources at Here and Now Nutrition.